You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
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