You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize