she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
