I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
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You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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