remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Life is so much better after having sex.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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