what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
