that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
