I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
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