Dude my mom stole all your condoms
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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