Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize