I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
