the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
