Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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