update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
