he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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