is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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