Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
