Screwed.edu
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
