Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize