Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
