And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
