woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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