you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
