Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
