Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
