im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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