you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
