my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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