It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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