What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm passing your future prison.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
