no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
