They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
