we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You can't special order awesome
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
