I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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