So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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