and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
