At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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