One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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