sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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