Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
