oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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