my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
