Where is the hickey?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
