my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
