My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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