I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
