sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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