every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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