Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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