New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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