my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize