drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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