legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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