I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Randomize
