Just fell off a train. Bad.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
