Your face is a jimmy john
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
