i barfeds in our rink
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
