thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
