Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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