so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
