I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
