So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Let's get the cat blown out
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
