I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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