I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
