It was confusing and full of hummus
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
