I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
