you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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