He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
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we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
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Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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