We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
